The Dilemmas of Love
by dana910
Summary: April is in love with Alex. But Alex is not ready for a relationship. What is going to happen? P.S-I SUCK AT SUMMARIES, BUT PLEASE READ IT!
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer : I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I wish I did, but I dont.**_

**Okay, as far as I can see, there are a lot of April haters out there - even now. I am one of those few who liked her even in season 6. I loved her character from the very beginning, and I really want to see her with Alex..they are so different that they are perfect for each other. **

**If you guys hate this pairing, or if you hate April, then please dont read it. But dont leave vicious comments about her. But, you can criticize my story if you dont like it..just R&R!**

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God..it was so annoying. Watching him get all cosy with the first year med student. Where's the professionalism? He is supposed to be her teacher. TEACHER. He is not supposed to teach her by personally examining her body parts. That is just gross. Like, take-out-gag-noises-from-your-mouth gross. Only he can be this disgusting. Such a pig!

Pig...

Pig...

Pig...

"April..April...APRIL!", Lexie said, shaking April's fast asleep body rigorously.

"Wozzgoinon?", April said, groggily, struggling to keep her eyes open.

"You were screaming out the word 'pig' at the top of your voice. A lot of times. That is what is going on.", Lexie replied, exasperatedly.

"Oh...", April said, turning red.

"Um...why?", Lexie asked, curiously.

"Why what?", April counter questioned.

"Oh God. Why were you saying 'pig' over, and over, and over again? Who's a pig?", Lexie asked.

"Um..I..I dont know. I never remember my dreams. Not when I am rudely awakened by someone.", she said, pretending to be annoyed.

Lexie rolled her eyes, and said mischievously, "Whatever. I know you were probably dreaming Alex getting close to his intern."

"Wh..wh..what? What do you..I..I am afraid I d-dont follow", April said, trying to retain her calm exterior.

Lexie was openly smirking now.

"Oh come on, April. Dont be shy! Everyone has figured out the fact that you have hots for Alex. Which I think, I might add, is totally gross.", she said.

"I dont have hots for Al- wait a minute...why do you say that its gross if I crush on Alex, which I dont, by the way, when you yourself have...you know, been with him."

"Ah...that was different. Even though I was sleeping with Alex, I was in love with Mark..but I wanted to think that I had feelings for Alex..I am not sure I did, though. And anyways, Alex is definitely not the right guy to lose your virginity to.", Lexie said, getting that annoying smirk back on her face.

"Ugh...look who's being gross now." April said, making a face.

_Sometime Later._

April was cursing under her breath. This was just the thing she was hoping to avoid, that too early in the morning. She was sitting in Meredith's car, and it was JUST HER LUCK to be sandwiched between Alex with his _slutty _intern on one side, and Lexie with her snarky looks on the other. She would have preferred being run over by a bulldozer. For real. From time to time, Alex and his the stupid intern would engage in heavy make-out sessions that were bugging April to no end. Lexie, on the other hand, was thoroughly enjoying the whole scenario - seeing April squirm in discomfort, while Alex kept on being clueless.

Finally, they reached the hospital, and Alex got out, along with his "trophy". April got out next, trying to avoid looking at Alex.

"You go ahead, babe. I will come in after a moment.", Alex whispered to the...ahhh, the..the..the_...whatever._

April couldnt take it any longer. She wanted to wring that girl's neck, but more than that, she wanted to hit Alex to her heart's content.

"Hey. What are you still doing here? Standing and staring like you are being tortured?", Lexie whispered in April's ears.

"Ahhhhh...will you let me be, Lexie? I am in no mood of your sly remarks and your...your...your...stupid comments. Its like you are doing a running commentary of a T.V. show.", April said, turning around to face Lexie.

"Hee hee! Well, you see, now that I am happy in a healthy, consistent relationship with Mark...", Lexie replied, with a dreamy lok in her eyes, "...I love to see other people struggling with their love problems."

April gave her the death glare.

"Oh, am I being mean?", Lexie asked, faking concern...before adding, "HA! Who cares? Anyways, I have got to run. I dont want to be late for my rounds. And, dont worry April...things will be fine..er..soon!"

Saying that, Lexie ran off to go on her rounds. Meanwhile, Lexie saw Alex was talking to Meredith. After a moment, Meredith got inside the hospital, and Alex turned around to face April. He looked at her for a moment, before turning around and walking inside.

What wouldnt she give to kill him. And then do complex surgeries on him.

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**Okay, this is my first fanfic for Grey's Anatomy...I hope you guys like it! Please dont be too harsh on me! Reviews would be awesome.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer : I do not own Grey's Anatomy. What a shame..**

_**So, here it is, the second part of my Alex-April story! I was really happy that you guys took the time to review my last chapter..it really means a lot! I was also surprised that there were others who like April-Alex pairing too! I hope they are shown to have a romance...Alex deserves to have someone in his life! And Jackson and April is so predictable!**_

_**Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter. Please R&R!**_

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"Where is he? He should be here by now.", Arizona said, sounding a little irritated.

"Oh, I am sure he will be here any moment now. Just...five more minutes..please.", April said, keeping her fingers crossed.

"Oh, alright. But if he does not turn up in five minutes, YOU are out of my OR too.'', Arizona said, looking at the patient, a 14 year old girl.

"But...but why?", April said, her voice rising in pitch.

"Because you are pleading his case for me. So, if he is late, I am holding you responsible.", Arizona replied, matter-of-factly.

April deflated. Why was she helping him, exactly? Now that she made the mistake of being a good friend, of course it would backfire on her. Of course, she would be the one to be thrown out, for no apparent mistake of her own. Stupid Alex.

Alex had three surgeries that day, and he was late. He had rushed to April, who was working with Arizona, to tell her that he needs to check on his last patient, before he can do the surgery. He had asked her to talk to Arizona. She was not going to _plead his case_, but...ah, she felt pity for the guy. Yes, that was the sole reason why she was bent over double to make sure he doesnt get into trouble.

April was still thinking of her hurried conversation with Alex, when the door to the OR opened and he came in, looking ruffled and slightly out of breath.

"How nice of you to come.", Arizona said.

"Oh...I am really sorry, Dr...I had two other surgeries today, and the Chief..", Alex tried to expalin.

"Oh, dont bother. April told me all of that. She was all for waiting for you. I would have started the surgery without you, but she asked for five more minutes, and luckily you showed up."

Alex threw a greatful look in April's direction. April felt a blush rise on her cheeks, which were, _thankfully_, covered by the surgical mask.

"Okay, then, lets begin this thing. Scalpel..", Arizona's voice rang out.

**Three hours Later**

The group came out of the OR, and April was feeling a bit tired, although she did not want to admit it. It was a gruelling surgery. But, she was happy that it was successful. She felt tired, even though it was her second surgery of the day, and she could only imagine how Alex must be feeling. He was sitting on the chair opposite her, his hands covering his eyes. When he removed them to put a curly fry in his mouth, April noticed his eyes were bloodshot.

"Ehm Ehm...", Lexie said, noticing April's stare that was directed towards Alex.

"What?", April whispered, warningly.

"Nothing, but, you know, you are being TOO obvious.", Lexie replied, thoroughly enjoying herself.

"Oh, God, shut up, will you?", April said, dreading the turn this conversation was taking.

"Fine, but I was just being a good friend. You know, even if you like someone, you have to be discreet about it, else you will be considered a stalker.", Lexie said.

"What are you two discussing?", Meredith asked, suspiciously.

"N..nothing, we were just..um..", April faultered.

"Y...yeah...just um...you know, Mark.", Lexie finished, somewhat lamely.

Meredith continued looking suspicious, but Jackson said, "Oh...its good that you two are so friendly..I mean, earlier, you two used to try one-upping each other like two bit- "

"Oh, stop it!", April said, throwing a paper napkin in his direction. Which, instead of hitting Jackson, hit Alex.

Alex looked up from his sandwich.

"Oh...I am really sorry...I didnt mean to, I promise..", April rambled, feeling furious with herself.

"Its okay. You saved me from Arizona's wrath today. So, I cant really get pissed at you. You saved my ass!", Alex replied grinning a little.

"Yeah..", April said, drawling out the 'yeah'.

Lexie looked at April and Alex, then burst out laughing, which was unfortunate, because her mouth was filled with water, which sprayed everywhere on their table.

"Oh sweet Jesus! What the-", Jackson said, sounding revolted.

"I-I-um...I am really sorry, I d-d-didnt mena to, its j-j-j-ust so..!", Lexie said, unable to control herself.

April knew that if she stayed at the table a moment longer, she would spill out EVERYTHING, literally and figuratively, so she hastily said to everyone, "Um...I need to talk to Lexie, and we need to remove the stains from her clothes too, so, um..I am just going to go, with her..."

"Do you need some help?", Alex asked.

"Oh yes, she would LOVE getting some h-h-help!", Lexie said, unable to stop laughing.

"Shut up, Lexie. N-no, Alex, I will be fine. Yeah. I guess we will see you guys later.", April said, hurrying to get out of there - before the situation got out of hand.

Lexie let April drag her out of the canteen, laughing all the way. April looked at Lexie and sighed, thinking that with her as a friend, it would be very hard to keep things a secret.

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_**Did you guys like this chapter? If you did, please please review it! And eve if you were disappointed with it, just let me know. Your comments and criticism would be appreciated!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**I know I have not posted anything from a long time, but I have just moved to a new palce, which is NEVER easy. I am so sorry that those of you who were reading my story had to wait - I promise my updates wont take this long again. Sorry! No, seriously. I am. If you guys wnat to hurl abuses at me, I would totally understand that ,welcome it, even.**

_**I noticed that after my last chapter, Lexie was disliked by a lot of you. I never meant for her to appear annoying, because in the show, I love the relationship she has with April. So this chapter is sort of a redempion for her character, and an explanation for her behaviour. Oh, after reading the chapter, dont forget to REVIEW!**_

_**P.S- I own a dog. His name is Psydus. I, however, do not own Grey's Anatomy.**_

"WHAT were you thinking? No, please tell me. What the hell was going through your mind when you laughed so hard in the cafeteria today? Are you trying to get me killed?", April asked Lexie, rather angrily, once they were well out of cafeteria.

"What could have I done? You were so...awkward out there! It was hilarious!", Lexie said, laughing out again.

April felt something inside her snap. She wanted to shake Lexie; bring her to her senses.

"Is this all a joke to you? Is it? Because its not, not a joke for me..I ..you dont get it, it is so hard, and on top of that, you behaving like this, its just...look, you are lucky. You are in a relationship with a guy you so love. And he loves you back. Its all hunky dory for you. But it isnt for me, and it just seems like you are making fun of that fact", April finished, and sat down on one of the chairs, coming to the horrific realzation that she is close to tears.

Lexie examined April's face for a second, and sighed. Then, she approached April, and put an arm around her, which April shrugged off, rather rudely. Unfazed, Lexie said, in a serious voice, "Look, April, I'm sorry if I've hurt you, I swear I did not mean to. But I am not making fun of the situation you are in...I would never do that, especially since I went through the same thing with George, a long time back."

April nodded (she had heard all about George), and encouraged her to go on, while simulaneously blowing her nose.

Lexie continued, "I just...you remind me of me, when I was in that situation...kind of. Look, I know its hard, but you need to talk to him, you really do. Tell him how you feel - you will feel so much better. And I swear, while I like having fun watching you guys, the last thing I want to do is upset you...I-I like you, ok? I would never do things to embarass you. Please just know that".

April looked at Lexie and could see sincerity in her eyes. She smiled a little, and decided to open up to her - the whole thing with Alex was confusing her.

"I just..I cant open up to him-the last time I tried being close to him, he tried to have sex with me, and blowed up when I asked him to take things slow. I dont even know what to say to him", she said, feeling helpless.

Lexie smiled kindly, and said, "Look, I understand. I really, really do. Alex can be an ass sometimes, but his heart's in the right place, and thats for sure. And maybe you should just try to approach him slowly, maybe then he'll realize how awesome you are..."

April shook her head. "No..I- I just want to concentrate on my career right now. I am not ready for this kind of thing. I dont have any experience with this kind of stuff...and he thinks I am a freak anyways. I dont want to...I dont want this, any of this. I just-" not able to take this any longer, she fled the room.

Lexie sighed. She hoped April would figure it all out. _She deserves a shot at a true relationship. I mean, Karev is a weird choice, but if that is her choice, I hope for her sake she gets what she wants._

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Running out of the room into the hallway, April bumped into Alex. She wiped her tears hastily.

"What is up with you? Did someone die?", Alex asked, being his usual rude self.

April scowled at him (all the while noticing how pretty his eyes were) and said, "No one DIED, Alex. Why do you say stuff like that all the time?"

Alex just shrugged in reply, and said, "Whatever. If, you know, you need a tissue or something, its available all around the hospital."

"UGH", Aril said, wondering, for the thousandth time, why she likes him. She started to walk away, but before she could, Alex caught her hand, and said, in an almost nice tone of voice, "Here, take this, it might help cheer you up", and then handed her a piece of choclate.

Their eyes met, and before she could thank him, he walked away.

April smiled a little, running her fingers over the place his hands had touched her, and realized that this was why she liked him - through that tough exterior, he let the nice guy out every once in a while. And when he did, all his rudeness was worth it.

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**_I know there wasnt much Alex-April interaction in this chapter, but I am trying to take things slow. Please review it, even criticism is welcome. BUt do not forget to review it. Reviews are loved._**


	4. Chapter 4

**HOLA! Okay, this isnt the biggest chapter ever, but it is very important for future development of the fic. I think you guys will figure that out when you guys read it. Also, I want to thank you guys for sticking with the story till now..you guys have no idea how great that feels! Also, I think its sad that there arent many April/Alex fanfics out there. What's not to like about them? ARGHH!**

**Please read and review!**

_**Disclaimer -I do not own Grey's Anatomy. Sad, bitter truth.**_

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"Okay, alright. Fine. I will tell him. I will tell him how I feel...but, to be honest, I am not sure how I feel about _this. _I am so confused in my feelings, I-", April said, looking dismayed.

"April, relax. I know you are confused in your head right now. But he needs to know how you feel! You are not going to ask him out. You are just going to tell him what's going on in your head. That is it. He needs to know. I mean, atleast everything will be out in the open once you tell him about your feelings", Lexie said, trying to calm down a nearly hysterical April.

April looked at Lexie, her eyes huge, "You..you really think that me coming all out with my feelings is the best thing to do? I mean, you know how Alex is...he might have s-sex with me, and then tell me it was a mistake...or, worse, he might act like he doesn't care..I- that will be too much for me".

Lexie sat on April's bed and motioned her to sit next to her. When she did, Lexie said, not unkindly, "April, I know you are new at this kind of thing. But the longer you take to tell him how you fell, the worse things will get, I promise."

April nodded, aware that she was right. Yes, she would tell Alex how she feels. Even if he doesn't reciprocate her feelings, atleast she will be satisfied knowing that she gave it a try.

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**IN THE HOSPITAL**

April had performed a surgery with the new doctor Lucy and Alex. It was a long, brutal surgery, but atleast it was successful. April glowed when she remembered how great Alex was in the OR. He was the one because of whom they had been able to save the infant.

Alex came out of the surgery too; trying and failing to show his happiness.

April walked up to him, and said, "Well, dont you look happy?"

Alex glanced at April, and said, "Whatever. I am just happy that I totally kicked ass in the surgery today. I was great. That is all that matters."

April smiled at him, knowing he was lying. She knew very well that, more than anything, he was happy that the kid was okay, but he was trying not to show his vulnerable side.

_This is it, April. If you want to tell how you feel, you have to do it now. Yes. I shall tell him right now how I feel. Here goes nothing.._

"Um...I wanted to tell you something..", April said, looking cautiously at Alex.

"What?", Alex asked, not slowing his walking pace.

"Wait, just stop. Stop and listen to what I have to tell you, okay?", April said, half annoyed, half nervous.

Alex stopped walking, and turned to look at April, curious about her suddenly nervous tone.

"Okay, tell me, what is it you want to say?", Alex asked.

"I-um. I wanted to tell you that, that..", April said, faltering.

Alex raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to continue.

April attempted to form coherent words one more time, "Um..what I wanted to tell you was, that, today-um, it...uh- I mean, from a long time, I- um.."

"Listen, tell me when you remember, because I have a hell lot of work to do so...", Alex said, exasperatedly, and started walking away.

"No wait!", April shrieked, and when he stopped, she once again went to stand in front of him, and continued, "What I wanted to tell you was, that -"

Alex was looking at her, tapping his foot impatiently. His eyes were boring into her, and she couldn't stand the pressure.

"-you were great in there today. Um- what you did was awesome.", she finished, somewhat lamely.

Alex looked at her and asked, "Are you sure that is what you wanted to say?"

"Uh huh", April replied, not trusting herself to speak.

Alex eyed April for a moment , and then said, "Thanks. You..er...you were not bad yourself. I enjoy doing surgeries with you, you know."

"Uh huh", April said, again, feeling more and more stupid by the moment.

"I thought that Lucy chick was really great today. The way she saved the child was...mindblowing", Alex said.

They stood there, facing each other for a moment, before Alex cleared his throat, and said, "I...um, I have to go finish my post ops, so..."

"Yeah...I have to go do..other..stuff too, so..see you later!", April said, and then ran away, not waiting for a response.

She went straight to the restroom, and looked at herself in the mirror.

_Oh God. What the hell have I gotten myself into?_

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**Did you guys like this chapter? I hope you guys did! Also, as you guys might have noticed, Lucy made her entry (kind of). Now, I am not going to follow this story according to what is going on in the show, but I will borrow whatever I think is going to suit THIS fanfic. So if my upcomming chapters do not adhere to the story in the show, its because I am not borrowing everything from there!**

**_Also, while you're reading this, it might be cool to mention that PLEASE, PLEASE, read and review! Even if it is to criticize or give suggestions!_**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - Hey guys! I am back with another chapter...er...if you guys are still there, that is. I am not even going to try attempting to explain why the update took so long...the more explanations I give, the more stupid they sound. So, I am going to do the only thing I should be doing - give you guys the puppy dog eyes, and say sorry. Really.**

**A/N - I am not sure how I feel about this chapter...I kind of dont like it very much, but I had to get SOMETHING out there. Also, I am disappointed that I dont have anywhere to look for inspiration. Seeing as there are probably, like, two more April-Alex fanfic out there. People! Why do you hate them so much?**

**Okay, now, on with the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: _Alex Karev is hot. So is Justin Chambers. Grey's Anatomy is an awesome show. Now that I have stated the obvious, let me also say that I do not own the awesome show. Duh._**

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"You did what?", Lexie asked, her eyes widening.

"I did nothing - that's the point, Lexie," April said, exasperatedly.

"April! You should have just told him! Why didnt you?", Lexie questioned.

"You dont get it! It was so hard...him staring at me, waiting for me to speak..I just could not!", April said, a little hysterically.

"Oh my, April. Listen to me. Alex might be an ass," April flashed her a look, but Lexie continued, "Yes, he might be an ass, but he is a good looking dude. My point is, he is not going to wait for you to have enough guts to go and tell him about your feelings! Especially, when he doesnt even KNOW you HAVE feelings for him!"

"I - I know, Lex, I know. But I cant just up and center go to him and say, 'Hey there! I know you've been a jerk to me, but I am still helplessly crushing on you!' I mean, c'mon!"

Lexie sighed, and said "But that's the thing. You can. You totally can!"

"Look, Lexie, I know you are trying to help me, but I am not that confident. I am not - I - I - have been rejected by guys a lot, okay? I am not sure I take rejection well. It will be even harder if it comes from Alex. I KNOW", April continued, ignoring Lexie, who had opened her mouth to say something, "that for all we know, he might be into me too, but the chances of that are really, really slim. I mean, look at me. I am a nervous wreck most of the time."

"Oh, April-" Lexie began.

"No, its fine. Its a part of who I am. I am a little crazy...but that's okay with me. But I am sure it wont be okay with Alex. I just know I am not his type."

Saying that, she walked out of the cafeteria, deciding that she needs to put a stopper on her feelings for Alex.

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"Hey April!"

April turned around, trying to locate who called out for her through all the shouting and commotion.

"Here, to your right!"

She turned to her right, and saw Alex grinnning at her, motioning her to come over.

_Why is he calling me? And why is he grinning like that? Does he know about my feelings? Oh God...is he making fun of me? This is like high school over again. No, wait, April. Dont jump to conclusions. He might be calling for any other reasons, for all I know._

"Uh, hey. Um...what's up?", she asked, approaching him with caution.

"Nothing! I was bored, and wanted some company. Even if that company is of someone as annoying as you", he said, grinning a little again.

"Oh please. Give me a break. I am pretty sure I am really good company", April said, rolling her eyes.

"Whatever", Alex said.

"You dont have any surgeries today?", April asked, trying to make conversation.

"I did. One surgery. Nothing major. Just an appendectomy.", Alex said.

"I had a brilliant suregery today! It was-", April was interrupted by Alex.

"Yeah..good. It was, uh, nice talking to you, but I have something to do...", he said, looking at something behind her.

"Oh, okay,", April said, feeling confused, and turned around to see who Alex was looking at.

It was the OB. The hot OB. Dr Lucy Fields.

"Oh," April said, unable to say anything.

Alex stopped staring at Lucy to look at April for a second. April turned towards him again, and quickly hid her hurt and tried to smile.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go! Go go!", April said, as cheerfully as she could.

"Ok! Thanks!", Alex said, and ran to and talk to the OB.

_Oh my goodness. Of course. Of course he is into her. She is blonde, beautiful, sexy, confident. Why am I even surprised? He was singing praises for her just a day back! I am so stupid! And feeling this way is not going to help me in 'putting a stopper' to my feelings for the guy. What is wrong with you, April?_

Cursing herself internally, April turned around to see what the OB-itch and Alex were talking about - probably to hurt herself a bit more.

And then it happened.

Alex leaned down and kissed the OB-itch. And the OB-itch kissed him back.

April suddenly felt a huge urge to vomit. Her hands got cold, and she could not look away from the scene playing in front of her.

_Oh my. This kind of crap keeps happening to me._

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**See? I wasnt fond of the ending. Ah, well. What the hell, right? Now, if you guys are still out there, and are still pissed at me, please show the anger (or love?) through reviews! Yup. That is my way of asking you guys to R&R! Please!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - Okay, here it is, people. This might be the fastest update I have done EVER, so I am patting myself on the back for that. But...I also think this is the crappiest chapter I have ever written, so...I take the pat back. The reason why I think this chapter pretty much sucks is because I had put this story under the "romance/humor" category, but there isnt much of that in this one. It is more...emotional and stuff. But I wrote it anyways because people cant be laughing and making googly eyes at their crushes all the time. Hurt and pain and all that is a part of the whole 'romance and humor' package, I think. But still...this chapter isnt the greatest.**

**deslil - I am so sorry for my short chapters...you have had that complain, and I apologise, but I dont think I have it in me to write really huge chapters! But...you have a point, so I will try to atleast update regularly...even if the chapters arent all that big. Also, thank you for sticking with this story.. You are awesome! ;-)**

**acaudill0068 - I love that you took time to review my chapter. I love your fics, especially 'Alone', and you give the best constructive criticism. Thanks!**

**Sayuria - It was absolutely clear. And thank you for reading..seriously!**

**AiLing - YES! One more Alex/April shipper. Thanks heavens.**

**Thank you to ALL the other readers for reading this and reviewing! You guys rock!**

**A/N - Sorry for the really long author's note..I had to get it all out there. :-)**

**Disclaimer - I am not Shonda Rhimes pretending to be a random person writing this fic. Thus, Grey's Anatomy does not belong to me. **

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Lexie was a little worried. Ever since April had stormed out of the cafeteria during their conversation, she had been unable to find her anywhere. And heavens knew, she had searched EVERYWHERE. Exhausted from her grueling surgeries, demands of a relationship, and her worry for April, Lexie had decided she deserved a break. So, after finishing the post-ops, she went to the on-call room determinedly.

Heaving a huge sigh, she opened the door of the on-call room, only to find April perched on the bed, looking absolutely lost — even more so than usual. Lexie was torn between annoyance and concern. Sighing again, she approached where April was sitting. April didn't look up as Lexie sat. She just kept staring at a particular spot on the wall.

"I…I had a boyfriend. In high school. His name was Robert. But they called him Toofer," April started, suddenly, without looking at Lexie.

Lexie thought maybe she should say something, wondering where this conversation was headed, but she bit her tongue, trying to hear her friend out patiently.

"He…he was a very nice boy. He always smiled, you know. And when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was so surprised, not to mention elated…I mean, he wasn't exactly 'Mr. Popular', you know, in fact, I don't think girls at our school cared for him. He was just so ordinary looking. But I didn't care. Firstly, because looks aren't important — at least that is what I believed, and secondly, it wasn't like boys were lining up to serenade me either."

Lexie felt like they were walking on dangerous grounds — 'high school romances' was not a good thing to talk about. Despite knowing that, Lexie decided she needed to listen to April - if that was what April wanted.

"But of course," April said, bitterly, "what did I know? I mean, I was just the freak who hadn't ever kissed a boy. I was the freak who did excellent in studies, but who had no friends, because of her nervous stature. You know what happened? How that relationship ended?", April asked suddenly, looking at Lexie for the first time during her monologue.

"I - not, er..not well, I presume?", Lexie asked, thrown off guard.

April laughed, humorlessly. " 'Not well' doesn't even begin to cover it. I…went over to his house to surprise him on Valentine's Day, and I noticed he had invited his friends over. I heard them talk. I heard-," April stopped for a moment before continuing, "I heard his friends cheering for him..because he had told them that he was going to be the first boy to "bed" me. He also said that…th…I was the most annoying person he had ever met, but the only reason he was with me was because he needed to know how it would be to sleep with me."

"Oh, April," Lexie said, feeling bad for her friend, and hating the guy who did that.

"I ran out..and he saw me. You know what was the worst part? I was still expecting him to come after me, to try and give some explanation…I was hoping for it, as a matter of fact. Stupid me…I was thinking he would make some grand romantic gesture which would make me forgive him…and we would live happily ever after" April said, spitting out the last three words.

Lexie looked at April…waiting for her to continue.

After a minute or two, April resumed the story, and said, "He didn't come. Forget about forgiving him, I didn't even get to dump him. Next day at school, he walked around on the corridors like everything was hunky-dory…like it didn't matter — like I didn't matter."

"That was when I realized what a pathetic girl I was. He was the jerk, and yet, I was the one feeling bad about myself. I also realized how naive I was…how stupid. I have been super guarded ever since. Of course, it helps that boys don't usually ask me out — because they find me annoying, but still…all those things in high school…they made me insecure about myself…and also super efficient, I'd like to believe. I know I am insecure. I know it. And lately, I have come to terms with that. With my insecurity. And then…then I went ahead and developed feelings for Alex. The guy who treated me like crap when I was there for him. And even after his crap treatment towards me, I continued to have feelings for him. What kind of an self-hating idiot am I? But you know, Alex is the one guy I really like, like, not Dr Shepherd like, but really, really like. And today, I saw him kissing the OB. Dr. Fields. The hot, efficient OB. And I realized what an idiot I have been, thinking that somehow, magically, Alex would not have feelings for anyone, and one day, he would realize I am the one who should be with him", April finished, blowing out air, and looking down, like she believed she was a lost cause.

"April…I am so, so sorry…but just because he kissed the OB doesn't mean he has feelings for her! He might just be…you know..", Lexie said, hoping April gets the hint.

And just in a moment, from looking downcast and rejected, April sat up straight and squared her shoulders. Lexie was quite alarmed at the sudden change in her demeanor.

"It doesn't matter. Its done. Over. I..I was stupid to feel for him. You were right, he isn't right for me anyways. And all this hurt and pain, I don't want to deal with it. I…I am going to focus on what is important - surgery. The lesser I get distracted by him, or anyone else, the better. I am just…going to be the best surgeon I can be. And I am not going to give a rat's ass about who Alex sleeps with, marries, or have children with. I am done."

"April! Don't say that! I know that you have real feelings for him! This has the potential to be something amazing for both of you!", Lexie said, trying to convince her.

"This has potential to be NOTHING! Lexie, I know you are trying to help me, but I know this isn't going to work. At all. And I am not complaining - not anymore. I - I have a lot of other things going for me…I - the chief resident position, for example. I - I just need to focus there. I am done wasting my time dreaming and being foolish over something that we both know wont ever exist," April said, with a tone of finality.

Lexie wanted to ask her to think it over, but she knew that she needed to let April figure this out on her own. She nodded slowly, and said, "Okay, April. This is a decision you have to take on your own. If you have set your mind, I guess its the right thing to do."

April smiled a little at Lexie's words. Then, without a warning, she hugged her.

"Lexie…thank you. For everything. You have been great…you really have," April said, with sincerity.

"Oh…its…its okay, April. I know we didn't start off right, and I wasn't your biggest fan or anything, but…you're not all that bad…I think I don't hate you anymore…so…", Lexie said, not knowing what to do.

April patted her arms, and got up to leave. "What you said, about not hating me - that's…that's good enough for me," April said, before leaving the left the on - call room, closing the door softly behind her.

Lexie smiled softly at April's words, shook her head, and finally went to take her much needed nap.

* * *

_**Hmm...I kind of wanted to make it really clear that Lexie is awesome. And I dig the dynamic between her and April. So, this chapter was dedicated to them.**_

_**Eh..I had thought I would put atleast a little bit of Alex/April interaction in this chapter, but I couldnt. Next chapter, tons of them..I promise! And it will focus heavily on Alex..I promise that too..!**_

_**In the meantime, please R&R!**_


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